Bard Blog

 
So the apex of my career finally revealed itself.
I sold my movie to Dreamworks and we’re in full production of my CGI masterpiece. The story is about a giant pig that finds itself stuck in the ice at the north pole. For 16 whole hours, you watch him wait it out as we destroy the planet inch by inch. The more destruction, the closer the pig comes to freedom! Ahh… I think I feel the smooth texture of an Oscar statue coming to smack me in the back of the head…Help the giant pig melt the polar ice-caps! Destroy the earth by polluting! For every coal factory we keep alive, the pig gets 2 inches closer to freedom!Coming soon to a burning house near you!

Most people who know me have come to learn that I have a terrible secret obsession.A dark side that I do my best to hide, which, however, time after time, always tends to reveal itself.I love squids.God how I LOVE squids. You may have friends that say they really like dogs, or cats or, idunno, zebras…? Your friends are weird. Anyway. Their love for whimsical animals is nothing compared to my indescribable, agonizing love for squids….And that fact right there is why, I have deemed this: THE. GREATEST. MOVIE. EVER.Note: Look at that miserable guy in the suit! How can be so unhappy?! He’s in a squid suit!! C’mon! That’s enough to spark eternal happiness right there!  
Buy it from Amazon today!